Do you ever feel like you may explode if you don't say what you've been thinking for ages but if you do finally say it your whole life will come crashing down before you? Well that's kind of how I'm feeling. If I say what I've been thinking of forever I will never be able to take it back and then everything goes to hell and I have to live my life day to day knowing that I never had to say it in the first place. The problem is is I don't know what I want, therefor I don't know if I want to get all of this out in the open. I feel like I have no one to go to. There's nothing I can do. But I have to do something soon because if I don't I think I will explode and go insane and end up ultimately killing myself. Maybe not literally but in the emotional sense. I feel like everyone should be walking on eggshells around me right now because I swear everytime I'm around anyone I just want to scream. I want to scream and cry and break everything around me and hurt everything and everyone so they will understand the way I feel. But I can't. I have to sit here and pretend like I am fine and that nothing is bothering me and everyone else's shit is bigger than mine. Well fine, it is. But I can't take it anymore. I need to just say it but I can't. I can't fucking say it because if I do then it's real, and if it's real that means my life comes crashing down around me. Everything that I made normal will be gone and I will have destroyed the last bit of my emotions and my soul and I will never get it back and I will just... just... I don't even fucking know. All I know is that I just want to fucking scream! I want to scream! I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM! LET ME SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME FUCKING SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!